Hey Baby, You got girlfriend in Hell?
9x12 Acryllic on Canvas
Me: *Stumbles into haunted castle while searching for Dracula, accidentally awakens demon nun*
Demon: YOU WILL BE SUBJECTED TO EVERY LEVEL OF NEW PAIN!
Me: So did it hurt?
Demon: IT WILL HURT!
Me: No! Did IT hurt?
Demon: *visually confused* What?
Me: *lights cigarette* When you fell from heaven.
Demon: *blushing* Well.... *plays with dirt with its foot, looking at ground* I mean, kinda...
Me: it’s not your fault.
Me: It’s NOT your fault.
Demon: huh? *tears up a bit* what?
Me: it’s not YOUR fault.
Demon: *wailing, throws face into its hands sobbing* IT HURT SO FUCKING MUCH!!!
Me: *opens arms* bring it in, buddy.
10 minutes later I’m beating demon guts.
When I blow my load it starts screaming. This is when I reveal I’ve only drank holy water for the last week, and the demon starts melting.
A portal opens and it’s dragged back to hell. It’s screams: CURSE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN’S CHILDREN!!!!!! CAAAALLLLL MEEEEEEE!!!!!! Four moths later I’m lonely, bored, and “text my ex” drunk.
I pull out the Ouija board and summon the demon.
The first thing is says chills my bones.... “I’m pregnant.”